time has sped up, productivity has slowed down. i am working like the dickens, as the expression goes, but the work is complex and the hours are slim, and before you know it another morning has come and i am cataloguing the prior day’s progress as i move through early morning chaturangas on my dog hair covered rug while the baby throws peach cubes at my head from her perch to the endless refrain in my head, “i need more time, i need more time”
time is forever being summed in my head. in my younger years it stretched too far and empty, a plateau of stunted growth clocked in endless sweeping of floors for restaurant closing shifts only to return early next day to unlock the doors, deconstruct the tidy all over again.
time had no value to me then, an endlessly renewable resource. i burned it like coal.
i flipped whole years off and welcomed new ones with cynicism and sloppy midnight kisses from boys in bands.
time has been filed under love, broken hearts, old habits.
i have bodies of work that span seasons and recall years for me, clearly and fuzzy as a pile of polaroids.
a year can be timed by falling in love
two years can get swallowed by a broken heart
now we have computers putting together our supposed top ten moments of a year, sending us reminders of what we found worth documenting at this very moment 1,095 days ago.
christmas letter reports get passed around tables and magnetted to a fridge for another 30 days.
sometimes time feels measured by the span of an illness.
the first year of a baby’s life makes you count time for the two of you.
now another year is moments from it’s own end and i see my deadlines falling out of the bounds, spilling into this next year that i know by name but not by sight yet.
if i know one thing about time, it goes on. so tomorrow when i wake up i’ll get to drag myself to my living room for the yoga and the peach cubes. my time is now marked by feedings and changings. i wake early to play and stay up late to work. every time i look at a clock the day has already passed. sometimes it feels like this year has stretched out and over my whole lifespan, and at the same time it was gone in the blink of an eye.
Time waits for no woman.
Happy New Year